Good Friends

It's great to have good friends. OKay, good isn't the word for it, Great friends!!!! I may actually get to meet a really great friend that has stuck by me for three years. SHe has been there when it seems like everyone else has left. We have had our downtimes where we don't talk much but I know she always is there. In the last week or so, she has lifted my spirits so much. I was losing my oomph to keep fighting this battle and she has brought me up to keep on fighting. Losing weight is a battle and sometimes physically and emotionally draining. If you are doing it alone, it's hard. Yes, my husband and son are very supportive but they don't understand the problems we face and how hard it is.
I also have a great sister in law and friend at home. THey know what it's like to fight this battle as well. My sister in law is wanting to get back to walking which made me so happy. I love her to death. My other friend talks to me from time to time as well.
Well, together we can fight this battle and win. THe great thing is that in a couple of months we may actually meet for the first time. I can't wait and am excited. I will have to convince hubby to say yes.....lol!!!!!

A New week

It's a new week. It's going to be a busy week. Today I get glamour shots done. It only cost me 10 dollars and was for a fundraiser. I'm not one to get dolled up so we'll see what happens. I did it for my SIL.
Monday, I don't have any plans. I think I'll use this day to clean house. I'll probably take Jakob swimming because it's going to be really hot and you can't do much else
Tuesday, I have to watch my grandmother while my aunt goes to a doctor appt in Indy. I'm not really looking forward to this. IT may not be bad. Lunch won't be good though.
Wednesday, I get the ball rolling for school. I take the entrance exam. I'm a little nervous about it though because I haven't done anything like that in 13 years. Yikes!!!
Thursday, I actually enroll in classes. I will hopefully get the answer to all my questions. I'm hoping for RN but am not sure I'll qualify for it. I don' t have any idea what the qualifications for it are. I will settle for the LPN if I have to.
Friday, I'm taking my son back to school shopping. I can't believe we're only a couple of weeks away from school starting. I'm not sure I'm ready for him to go back.
Well this week is going to be a good week diet wise. I plan on making it happen.
Here's my diet goals:
1. Exercise
2. Water
3. Watch portions
4. No ice cream

I'm going to do this.

Choices and Accountability

When you are trying to lose weight, it's mostly about choices and accountability. The choices you make are either the right one or the wrong one for the most part. YOu chose to drink the pop or the water. You chose to exercise or not. You chose if you'll exercise for ten minutes or an hour. The accountability part is a little harder. WHo holds you accountable? What are the consequences of your actions? Well, I know for one it helps me to have someone to report to. If I have to tell them what I ate and did then I'm more likely to make the right choices. Ultimately, it's me who holds me accountable. WHo am I hurting if I eat the whole tub of ice cream? Me! Who feels the effects of it? Me! The thing is though I'm not only hurting myself. I'm hurting my family. I can't do the things I would like to do comfortably being the size I am. Getting into the raft on the lazy river at Indiana Beach, I felt like a whale. I still have a tight squeeze on some of the rides. I'm sure I'd be cooler in the heat without all the weight on me. Sure, it's a great insulator in the cold but I can put on more clothing.
I have to start making the right choices and holding myself accountable for my actions. My losing weight isn't going to get easier. In fact, with the stress of school and all, it's only going to get harder. I need to stop with excuses and rationalizing. They are only hurting me not helping me.
I had a good day yesterday and today is starting off well. Maybe I'm out of the funk I was in. I sure hope so. I have a few friends who helped pull me out. They are my lifeline. Thank you Carrie and Rebel. You two are helping me tremendously. If anyone thinks they can lose weight alone, I don't see how. I'm not saying it's impossible but I don't see how. I need the support of my friends and family. They keep me going when I want to give up. Hubby has been super supportive except when it comes to exercise and same with my son. I'm going to do this. I can win the battle.

Feeling Good

I'm feeling pretty good today. I don't have to work. School is going to happen. I'm a little scared about it but I know I can do it. I have no plans today and for the first time that is a good thing. I normally don't like sticking myself at home but I'm happy for the break today. I'm going to pick up the house a little today. I do more thorough cleaning before Monday.
My weight was a little high this morning. It's okay because it's going to go down. I'm back in this.

Feeling Better

Okay, I'm feeling much better today. I found out that I do get to go to school. I know I'm being wishy washy on this. What happened was when I filled out the papers for the VA funding which is supposed to be 100% tuition the papers said I had to fill out federal aide forms and have the last 3 years tax papers. I couldn't understand why. Well, the guy from VA explained the reasoning behind both and said that i am approved so not to worry. I just have to pay for my books. I am thrilled. Jason is even wrapping his head around it. I was just down in the dumps yesterday. Today I'm much better. IT started out being crummy with a flat tire on my car and all but it's a much better day today and I'm thrilled. I'm going to do this and have a respectful job.

Venting

Well, the last entry can be totally nixed. I guess if it sounds to good to be true then it is. I feel like I'm in a downward spiral and I can't stop it. I'm being argumentative with hubby for really no good reason. School isn't going to happen. Why is it everytime that i get my hopes up that something good will happen that it backfires on me? Why can't something go right? I try doing good for other people and it doesn't even work. I can't get my diet right. I've been gaining and not losing. Am I being punished for something? WHat am I doing wrong? LOL.....people wonder why my self esteem is low. I want to be happy and healthy but can't seem to pull it off. It's my fault. I am the one who controls my actions. I get myself excited over things only for them to backfire on me. I then get depressed and wonder what happened. The solution? I don't have one. I don't want to live life on the sidelines watching everything and everyone passing me by. I want to be something but everytime I try someone is there or something happens to tell me it's not possible. If I want something nice, it's not doable. I want nice items but it doesn't work because it adds a bill and we can't do that for me especially for items that are already working. LOL....makes me want to take a sledgehammer to the items I want to replace. I don't feel like I'm worth having good things happen for me or to be able to get good things. I know I'm sounding childish but it's how I feel. Maybe i'm not worth anything. It seems like everything runs more smoothly when I keep my mouth shut and when I don't ask for anything or try to talk about anything I want. As soon as I say, I want I feel they are fighting words. I guess I found my solution. SHut up and just go on and not do anything big. Everyone else is happier for it. It doesn't really matter if I'm happy or not. I want everyone to be happy. I would rather be unhappy and then to see unhappy faces. As far as the weight goes, I'm on my own. I have always been. Family does real good supporting me when it comes to telling me what not to eat but if it's going for a walk or doing something physical with me then it doesn't happen.
Again, I can't ask for much. No one wants to give it to me. I guess it's the way life is supposed to go. I love my family and friends to death and I want them to be happy. I would be miserable if they were unhappy. I'll work my hardest to lose the weight and to make it happen for me by myself if I have to. I know this entry has been horrible. I just have to vent. I really don't want to bore anyone with my problems. Will some of them read this? Probably! Do I care? Yes. Do I believe things will change because of it? Nope,they'll say it's just Shelley being negative and having a bad day. She'll be better tomorrow. It's life and it goes on whether we are happy or sad. I'm not either. I'm just trying to be realistic. I'm also trying to get things off my chest. Do I feel better now? Somewhat. Things will happen when they happen or if they do. THe one thing is certain though is that I'm going to lose the weight. My sister in law said she would do it with me so maybe we can get something going. I hope. Well, I think this is enough of me wallowing around in my own self pity. I'm going to try to work on my attitude. I'm going to start writing more of how I'm feeling on here and maybe that will help. I guess it's not wrong to feel the way we feel but it is wrong to keep it bottled up. I just don't want to go to anybody face to face and talk about it because it doesn't help when you are told what you are feeling is wrong or stupid. Okay, I'm done and I'm out of here.

Scared

Okay, I am terrified. Scared probably wouldn't describe it. I have decided to go back to college. I am going to study to become a registered nurse. So many things are going through my head right now. Am I going to be able to do the job? Will I get good grades? Hubby isn't totally supportive. He doesn't think I will have time for the family. I know it isn't true but he doesn't believe me. I would feel much better if he was supportive of me in this. Why am I going back to school? THere are many reasons:

1. provide a better life for my family
2. make something of myself that i can be proud of and hopefully my family can to
3. i don't want to end up flipping burgers somewhere because that is all i'm qualified to do after my grandma passes away which will hopefully be a very long time from now
4. I want to prove to my son that good things come from studying and a good education
5. to prove to myself that i can finish it

Yes, I will still have to work hard on losing the weight which is getting increasingly harder. I know it' s because of my sleep pattern. I am not getting much. WE also had a lot going on this last week. I will do better this week. I'm going to be working a lot harder. I have to.

Hard Week

It's going to be a hard week. We have the festival going on all week with a bunch of great food. There is also a fair going on in Logansport with the same temptations. I plan on visiting both. The good news/bad news is that I'm going to have help from my body on portion control and watching what I eat. I think my gall bladder is acting up. I can't go to the doctor because of no insurance. WE get insurance in 90 days with hubbies job and i don't want it to be a pre-existing condition in case i have to have surgery. I pray to GOd that I won't because of having to take care of grandma. When I eat, I feel sick. If I don't, then I feel okay. It's pretty simple. I know that not eating is not good either. I'll have to bite the bullet and eat something but I'm not exactly sure yet what is making me not feel good because I've been eating a variety of things and they all seem to do it. I get crampy and and nauseaus among other things. The real good news is that my sister in law is doing this with me. She's going to join my group at home. It'll be great. She'll fit right in. SHe's more like an actual sister to me and I love her dearly. We are going to walk every night together. IT'll be even better if we can get my brother to stay home. LOL!!!!! We may just leave him behind if he goes. Nothing is going to stop us. We have to up the pace to burn the calories. The scales have not been good to me at all. I have to get moving and kick some butt. IT's time to stop the talk and start acting.

WHy?

Why won't the scales budge? I've been trying so hard lately. I've been exercising everyday. Eating could be a little better but hasn't been to horrible. I would love to see the scales go below 230's. I'll keep plugging away but it gets frustrating.

Going Strong

Okay, it is supposed to rain tonite. I didn't want to miss my walk so Jakob and i walked the trail in Peru. We walked for an hour and ten mintues. I walked for an hour last night. I feel really good that I'm taking some positive moves in the right direction. I will still walk tonite if is not raining. I just wanted to make sure I got my exercise in. The good news is that I've already beat my exercise time for June. June was a horrible diet month. I feel so motivated now and now that i really can do this. I'm going to get a new pair of shoes today. I am looking forward to the scales going down. I'll probably take one day off from walking so my body can catch up to me but that will probably happen with the rain this week. It feels good to do things right. My mental state now is the best. I feel the best motivation I can give my team is the proof that it can be done. We are all going to do what it takes to lose the weight. We all just need an occasional push. I'm pushing myself to give them the push. Lead by example is the old adage. Well, I'm going to do that. I have to. Everyone is depending on me. I don't want to let anyone including myself down.

Feeling the Energy

Today, I'm feeling energized. I weighed in at 234 which after a period and all the bloat is awesome. I'm really enjoying my walks. I woke up this morning ready for the day and not wanting to just lie around. I can't wait for my walk this afternoon. We went to yard sales this morning so I haven't just been lying around. It's an awesome feeling to know that things are going my way. I am hoping for 229 by the end of the week. I know 5 pounds is a huge loss to ask for but I think I can pull it off with hard work and watching what I eat. It's a new week and I'm ready to work hard. It'll be easier if the energy level stays up.

Environment

Your environment is so important. The problem is that you can't always control your environment. When I'm at my grandmothers, I have no control. It's also a stressful environment some nights. The weird thing is that I can handle my grandmother's moods and confusion. I expect it. THe thing is that it's hard to handle the stress without the food. It was bad last night. I wanted to grab a pop and drink it. I wanted to grab a huge bowl of ice cream and eat. I had done so well yesterday though that I didn't want to ruin it by doing it. I did well though other than a few sips of pop. I'm going to get some Pepsi One's to keep there though so I can have something to drink. I can put some good choices in the house. I had a headache last night as well so that didn't help. I did good though. I resisted. I have to learn to keep this up. I will see results if I can resist.

Back on Track

Okay, I'm back on track today. I went to the grocery store and bought some healthy food. I'm going to watch my portions. I will just have to keep reminding myself why I'm doing this. I have to learn to make myself stick to this. The scales read heavy again this morning but that is due to all my mess ups along with my monthly still being due. I hate when I'm late because it causes me to bloat even more than normal. I'm going to really stick with it now. I told my family to really crack down on me.

Happy Anniversary!!!!!!

Yeah!!!!! We made it, 11 years and going strong. I love my husband so much. YEah, we had our hard times but we pushed through and made it. Every marriage has bumps in the road. You have to remember why you married them in the first place. Jason is my saving grace. He's my rock. He is a great guy who I love with all of my heart. He has his faults but their minor compared to what life would be like without him. I look forward to seeing his face everyday, to hearing his voice, and to have the love that he is so willing to give. He has loved me literally through thin and thick. He tellls me how beautiful I am. He supports me in my efforts even when he doesn't understand the how's and why of everything. OUr love is lasting.
Diet wise, I could be better. My monthly is now 2 days late and I feel miserable because of it. UGh!!!! THe scales read 240 but that is only because I'm so bloated and gassy that it's unreal. I'm not going to freak out over the numbers today because i know I haven't messed up that bad.
TOnite we are eating supper at the Texas Roadhouse. I know it's going to be completely off diet but tomorrow I'm shifting into full gear and full steam ahead. I want to be 220 by the end of the month. I will do it to.
I'm going to have some great accomplishments this month.

Momentum Is Going Strong

I didn't do very well food wise yesterday. We had pizza. Exercise was great though. My sister in law and I walked 2.6 miles. I walked 1 mile this morning with my son. I'll walk the 2.6 tonite with my sister in law. It's great to have a walking buddy. I don't know what hit me but I know that I have got to get my butt in shape and in gear. I'm trying to get my team rallied together and come up with some new strategies with them. HEre are my goals for this week:

1. Watch what I eat
2. Drink my water and limit the tea
3. Limit eating out with the exception of Tuesday (my wedding anniversary)
4. Exercise Daily 60-90 minutes; in intervals not at once
5. Stay focused
6. I hope to see 230 by Saturday

Support

How can other people support people losing weight? There are many ways.

1. Let them know when they are eating something they aren't supposed. Call them on it but in a nice constructive way.
2. Exercise with them and when you say you're going to do it. DO IT!!!! Don't cancel on them or come up with some excuse not to.
3. Be there to listen and let them cry on your shoulder from time to time.
4. Understand that this is a hard and difficult thing to do.
5. Compliment and celebrate their successes with them. Make a huge deal over the two pounds they lost that week.
6. Cheer them up when they gained a pound back because it happens.
7. Give them a call to see how they are doing.

What do you get from being supportive? Well, if you need to lose weight, you'll get the same in return. You can have a buddy system and they work. If you don't, you get the knowledge of knowing that you helped someone who you care about live a healthier longer life. THere are many benefits of helping people out.
Why this topic today? WEll, I'm not feeling the support from my family. I'm feeling pretty let down especially when it comes to helping me exercise. They are all for helping me when it comes to telling me what I can and can not eat. WHich is great. I need help with exercise. I told them what I want. I want them to walk with me at times. I do better when someone is with me. Neither wants to do that with me though. I know I'm pms'ing at the moment as well so that doesn't help. I love them both to death but when your child fakes a tummy ache just so you won't take him walking without feeling like a horrible mother, it makes you feel sad that they will go through all of that to get out of supporting you. I just want them to support me because they love me. It really made me want to quit this morning. I was wondering why am I putting myself through this if no one really cares. PMS has a lot to do with my mood right now though. I hate the hormonal imbalance that it causes. I feel moody, restless, and irritable. I want to cry and scream. It's absolutely horrible. I feel like I'm out of control. I know these are typical and with me usually last just the one day but it's a horrible day normally. Well, I hope the venting helped me. LOL!!!!!! It does help to get my feelings out. It's why I have this blog. I'm not mad at anyone except myself.