Let's look at the beginning

I thought it might be neat to look back and see how I got to be where I am now. Face the inner demons so to speak. Unlike a lot of stories, I was not big in school. I would go back and forth between chubby and skinny. Growing up wasn't easy for me. I don't remember turning to food for comfort though. My mom was diagnosed with renal failure when I was in the 4th grade. It was a very trying year for me. SHe had a rare blood type so the thought of her getting a transplant was slim. Well on Dec. 21, 1988, she got one. It was our miracle or so we thought. I don't remember what I weighed at this time. YOur probably wondering why I'm going into this. I"m going into it because it helped mold me into who I am today. Anyway, we had lived with my grandparents for four years prior to this. I was 14 in 1988. We finally got a place of our own when I was 15. It was hard. I didn't have the typical childhood. I had to help take care of mom. ONe summer she had a knee replacement. The next summer she had a hip replacement. They were all side effects of her anti rejection medicine. There wasn't a whole bunch of food in the house because there wasn't any money. I stayed around 140 throughout high school. It never bothered me though. I was to busy taking care of my mom. Well, things took a drastic turn in 1992. I met a guy named James. I thought he was the love of my life. I graduated in June of 92 and we made plans to get married. We had just met in April. I was 18. I'll start making a long story short. My mom was diagnosed with lymphoma in Sept. 1992. It was a crushing day. I'll never forget the phone call. My grandparents automatically made the decision to move us all back in with them. The problem with this is that their house was way to small. It was a three bedroom house (one of the bedrooms was in the basement). My aunt already lived with them. They were going to move my mom, brother and me in there. They would have put mom in the dining room. I didn't want that. James and I decided to go ahead with our wedding. He promised me that I could see my mom whenever I wanted to. Well, he ended up being the biggest liar. SHortly after we got married in November, he started showing his true colors. We lived with his parents. He called me a stupid b***h everyday. He wouldn't let me see my mom like he said he would. I did get to see her but not as often or for as long as I wanted to. My mom passed away on June 14,1993. I had a lot of guilt. SHe actually understood more than I knew. She had been in an abusive relationship before. My grandmother told me afterwards. I had turned 19 on Mar. 27th, 1993. When I got married, I had weighed 150 pounds when I was weighed in August of 1992 for my yearly at planned parenthood. When I went back in August of 1993, I weighed 119 pounds. I got asked if I was anorexic. I ate all the time so I don't know how I lost. Well, on Jan. 29th, 1994, we were driving back from getting James' son for visitation and for some reason James drove across the center line. We hit a piece of farm machinery. James was killed instantly. I got a compound fracture to my right leg. I broke the big lower bone. I moved back with my grandparents. Jason who I had dated in high school showed up to visit me after the funeral. He would come over and bring dvd's. I still was small. Well, after I got back on my feet I got my own apartment. I got to eat whatever I wanted and whenever. jason and I got married on July 4th, 1995. I weighed 175 at our wedding. I found out I was pregnant in Sept. of 95. I delivered Jakob on June 14, 1996. He was born three years to the day my mom died. He was a Godsend for our family. I weighed 175 at delivery. Over the next few years, I went alot of diets. I would lose then gain back what I had lost plus 10 pounds. It's what led me to where I was at my highest of 261. My determination is much higher now. I"m going to get the good body back.